Sunday, January 24

1/2/10 Morning alone

Wake up a bit sad, nothing really in particular, just not one of my better days. I am alone so I deal with it myself. No not saying I want to go back to the nightmare that was my life, just want life to be a little kinder to me. I miss having someone to sleep with and wake up with. Keep hearing "its gonna be ok" Mainly me thinking that. I realize there will be ups, there will be downs. Think to myself... It could be worse. What if things hadn't changed? What if the nightmare had continued? I do remind myself that I am a wonderful person. I care, I love, and I worry sometimes. No I am not perfect... far from it.
Seems the holidays is the worst of times when single. Well it also has its ups and downs. Saw my family all together this Christmas and that was a good thing. Following night I went out to meet up with old school 'friends' (I really wasn't that popular in school) Talked with an old friend of my sisters and did have an enjoyable night. New Years Eve came and went, uneventful, can be seen as a good thing too. I remember it was midnight in England, don't remember much past that, woke up 4am est and thought, wow, new year, feels the same as it did yesterday. 
Last couple of days I have thrown my sleep schedule off, this is acceptable, I am on vacation, only real responsibility is clean up and keep the apartment looking presentable. Easy enough. I can sleep in, but choose not to, sleep seems to be a waste of time to me. Well I do need to get rest, but to stay in bed till the late morning seems wasteful. Always has been that way.

Guess I will make my day begin here soon, need to go get some stuff form the grocery store, and that is about all there is on the docket today, seems I can make this a bit more exciting than it is... but then it is just inventory... get in the cold car... select and purchase, same old same old... but then again, it is a chance to get out, see people and perchance meet someone. Right? I have heard the grocery store is one of the best places to meet girls. Well heck, time is getting by and I haven't done much today Better get going

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