Saturday, June 27

be warned, you may thank me

due to facts beyond my control (I know its a weak excuse) I will be stepping out, though I don't really want to. Surgeon General should have made it a bit clearer. The warning label on the cigarette pack should say "Though it looks cool now, you will have a monkey on your back for the rest of your life, it will cost you a fortune to smoke, is hazardous to your health and any attempt to quite will more than likely fail.

Beyond that there should be a disclaimer when buying a computer and signing up for internet service backed by the Surgeon General that reads: Purchase and signing up for this service is likely to make you a hermit, lose touch with reality and will increase your smoking habit 10 fold, will cause you to drink more coffee than Juan Valdez can grow in a year, and will no doubt warp your sense of humor.

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1 comment:

Eowyn said...

Hahahaha! Nice satire, with twists :)

Karmasurfer and I have been rolling our own cigarettes for many years now (they're not only just like, but better -- no additives -- than the real things). Of course, our (smoking) president has just enacted punitive taxes on home-rollers, so in true Artful Dodger fashion, we started our first crop of tobacco plants this spring.

Me, I like smoking, and don't much care if it kills me. A shorter life and a happier one, and all that. The truth is, smoking kills a very, very small percentage of people. (One of the only worthwhile aspects of my college education was an understanding of statistics, and how they can be manipulated.)

Okay, it's smelly. (Pay no attention to that "second-hand smoke" strawman behind the curtain.) Most smokers I know take pains to keep the offensive odor away from delicate non-smoking nostrils.

My favorite smoker of all time has to be a gentleman in an Associated Press story who reached the age of 104. He quit smoking at the age of 97 because he was "tired of cleaning out the ashtrays."

Again, nice post :)